


Holes

by jacquelee



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 06:17:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5446298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacquelee/pseuds/jacquelee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death carves holes in your life. Admiral Janeway doesn't accept that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a challenge at [Fourcornersland](http://fourcornersland.livejournal.com) for the prompt Holes.

_"Death doesn't let you say goodbye. It just carves holes in your life, in your future, in your heart." Riley Blue (Sense8)_

Holes. This seemed what her life had become, full of holes. Holes where people should have been. It didn't matter where she was or what she did. These holes didn't leave her, they didn't fill up again, they refused to mend. 

And she had enough. She didn't know when exactly the moment had been. Another lecture in which the students were too careful not to say the name, another visit to Tuvok, another reunion so painfully crowded with the absence of those who should be there. 

The one person who should be there. When she heard about the device, she almost immediately reached a decision. Going on like this was not an option. Not when there was another way. No matter how dangerous or how much against her principles that way was. 

Standing at the window looking outside into the night, not seeing anything but ghosts, Admiral Kathryn Janeway knew this was the last time. The last time she would have them here and pretend to smile and pretend to be happy. The last time she would cheer for and with all of those she brought back home while every single cell in her body wept for the one she couldn't save. 

Home itself had no meaning anymore. It hadn't had any meaning for years. When she finally got back to earth, she felt nothing but sadness, nothing but pain. All these years she had waited for it to subside, to go away. For the hole to mend, to be filled up again. 

It never was. It never could be. She had thought that was what it was, that was her life. She tried to make the best of it. She tried to be happy. But now, everything had changed. One little device had changed her entire future. No, not her future. Her past. 

If it was impossible to mend the holes, if it was impossible to fill them again, the one thing to do was to stop them from being torn in the first place. 

Death carves holes in your life, your heart, your future. Well, she had seen that life and she lived with that heart and in that future. And there was nothing there. 

So she would go back and stop death itself.


End file.
